Although I for Blue Looking fwb in just started freelance writing at the time, while juggling a full-time office manager job, I was content to put off my writing, which is my true passion, just to spend time with him. I fell in love with my friend with benefits. By Februaryafter four years of drama, it was over, permanently, and I was left to face the reality that one should never, ever fall for their friend with benefits. We were also very similar in a lot of ways so we could have fun together, challenge each other, and count on each other — definitely the foundation of a great friendship. I felt stupid for sticking around so long, stupid for hoping for the impossibleand stupid for accepting him back into my life over and over again. I for Blue Looking fwb in no longer mistake comfort and intimacy for something more, and I would never put off the opportunity at a real relationship in favor of a friend with benefits — which For Blue Looking fwb in had done with this guy. I felt something, let it into my life, and fell in love. Had we never had those multiple falling outs, I would have never tried to outrun him and I would have never realized this very important part of my personality. I also think that stemmed from the fact that I knew it was fleeting and so I needed to be with him as much as possible.